Cell Block Tango

Welcome one, welcome all, to my humble domain. Today, we shall be discussing passion and death. Do I hear corn popping? You have the right idea there, mon ami.

For those of you not familiar with it (I can’t believe you exist but anything’s possible), the title of this post refers to the astoundingly brilliant song from the 2002 movie, Chicago, which is based on the 1975 musical of the same name. The musical is in turn based on the 1926 play, “Chicago”, by Maurine Dallas Watkins who was a reporter and based the play on true events.

Whew! Now that that’s over with, we can get to the juicy bits.

Advertisements

N of One

Hello bunnies,

It’s been a while (over a year actually. I’m probably saying hi to mostly dust bunnies so, hello furries 😁). I don’t have much to say (haven’t for a good long while) so today we’re going to talk about why that is. Yes, I too see the irony but I articulate my thoughts best when I put them down and feedback on this would be nice so we’re dusting off the ol’blog.

I have written a thing or two since I’ve been away (literally two pieces folks 😔) but I hold them a little too dearly to share here. They’ve been mainly to help me cope with my illness and I share them with a few friends when I want to help them better understand where I am mentally. I’ve been in this very private and introspective headspace for a while now and I can’t seem to get out of it. It’s not a funk and I’m not blue even though I have had a few bouts of depression this year but I can’t even seem to tweet I tell you!

Whenever I try to reach out of the little sphere of “comfort” I’ve settled into, I feel repelled by the flow of humanity. Perhaps this is because I’ve been getting an increased dose of organic communication being that I’m almost always on campus for lectures and the like. Although when I get restless or lonely I reach out to people, and I’m still my friendly open self, I feel settled into the singularity of myself and my unequivocally unique human experience (or as I saw it put on Medium today, my “experiment with an N of 1”).

Shouldn’t this mean I write more, you might ask? Not necessarily. I love to read autobiographies but I’m not quite ready to write one. I’m too busy experiencing my experiences to write a lab report on them. Perhaps it would be a good idea to journal but I’m not sure. I worry that I will wake up every morning and immediately feel this pressure, subtle though it may be, to make everyday memorable and no, I don’t mean that in the good way. I mean that in the “salesperson trying to sell you an overpriced camera” way and once you buy it, you immediately feel the need to have countless outings you don’t really want and go out with friends when you really just want to stay in so you can take enough pictures to justify your purchase.

All that being said, I really enjoyed writing this. Seeing one’s thoughts laid out helps in achieving a sense of clarity and lightness. While I can’t promise that it will be a regular thing, I can say I will be doing this again. Maybe even soon 😉.

Peace and Finger Kinbaku.

 

Pedestrian Road Rage

Hello bunnies,
Longest time.

I have a short rant to give today.
It’s about drivers on the streets of Lagos and their seemingly complete disregard for the lives and safety of pedestrians.

I don’t have a single instance as the straw that broke my camel’s back to specifically rave about but it’s the general negligent behaviour that I can no longer stomach.

Lagos drivers seem not to realize that they owe a duty of care to we poor fellows that don’t wield a murder weapon at our leisure.

Yes, you read right.
Murder weapon.

We don’t get an air bag to cushion us when due to your inattention and general sloppiness you turn us into so much raw meat.

Lagos drivers complain about each other so much but fail to realize that when two elephants fight, the grass suffers.

Even though I walk facing traffic I’m still filled with anxiety everyday that one (kin ma pe won l’oloriburuku) will swerve into the barely existent sidewalk and hit me.

Honestly, it’s contributory negligence on the part of the government, with their poor planning, and even the pedestrians themselves, with their earphones in. However the fact remains that the ones with all that physical power at their disposal are the drivers.

So please, don’t text and drive.
Don’t drink and drive.
Don’t even gist and drive.
Let’s all get to where we’re going in one piece.

Peace and Last Men.

Remember Me

Good evening bunnies.
Hope you’re all doing well?
If you are, great.
If you aren’t, feel free to contact me for whatever assistance or support I may render.

I apologize for not keeping to the “every other day” posting schedule I proposed. I tend to set unrealistic goals when even slightly manic. I keep them for a while too so that when I eventually do falter I seem to be slacking off.
Sigh.
Oh well.

Today I want to talk about one of my fears. I have a fear of developing Alzheimer’s disease, a neurodegenerative illness which is the most common form of dementia. Dementia refers to a broad category of diseases that cause memory loss and a decrease in the ability to think great enough to affect daily life.

I think my first exposure to the disease was through the novel “Remember Me” by Mary Higgins Clark (if I remember correctly). An elderly character was witness to a crime but couldn’t remember it properly and almost lost her life in the cover-up.

I already had a developing fear of forgetting things because I was beginning to forget details of books I had read and also errands I was being sent on. Finding out about such a thing as Alzheimer’s crystallized that fear, especially when I thought that early onset meant teenage years and not 40s – 50s.

Everytime I use “I forgot” as an excuse for not completing a chore or assignment, I feel a surge of apprehension for the day when that may be my reality. It can be so all-consuming that I literally tremble.

I’ve found solace in some things, such as a story a friend of mine wrote about an elderly couple coping with the disease, but nothing has comforted me more than the words I read in my devotional a few days ago.

A Dr. Benjamin Mast, an expert on the topic of the disease, is quoted as saying that “patients’ brains are often so ‘well-worn’ and ‘habitual’ that they can hear an old hymn and sing along to every word”. To paraphrase Our Daily Bread, the good doctor apparently suggests that what is required is discipline in reading Scriptures, praying and singing hymns which causes truth to become “embedded” in our brains, making them accessible with prompting.

Psalm 119:11 talks of how the power of hiding God’s words in our heart can keep us from sinning and Joshua 1:8 speaks of meditating on the word of God and acting on it for us to have good success. Both verses, in part and as wholes, encourage us to store up God’s word in our hearts and minds so that it is always with us, even should plaques and tangles try to separate us from it.

In other words, meditation and discipline are key in keeping what is most important to us mentally with us, even to our old age. So pay attention to what you pay attention to. Whatever you invest time and effort in now is what will be with you and comfort you in your later days.

That said, know that in all things I wish you well.
Be sure to share, comment and subscribe.
Peace and Kaleidoscopic Bifocal Lenses.

Reinventing the Wheel

Konbanwa bunnies!
Hope your week started off on a good note?
It did?
Awesome.

A while ago I had an idea concerning helping people with certain mental illnesses cope better. I shared it on the group chat I am part of for a mental health advocacy group.

Someone commented that I shouldn’t try to reinvent the wheel. I eventually convinced him of the validity of my idea but what he said went on a back burner in my mind and bubbled over today.

To start off, the wheel has actually been reinvented severally, if we’re going to be literal-minded. It probably started out wooden but is now made of metal and rubber, with tons of modifications along the way.

So take that haters!
(Yes, even I have imaginary haters, hater 😋.)

Joking aside, though it may be easy to dismiss ideas as unoriginal, people can always have new and interesting takes on things. It may not be a giant leap for mankind but it can effect change all the same.

With that said, don’t be afraid to take a chance on an idea for fear that it has already been done. The heavens are vast enough for all our stars to shine.

Be sure to leave a comment, share and yes, subscribe!

Ja ne!
Peace and Origami Chrysanthemums.

Carmen

Hey bunnies!
How are you?
Did you turn up today or was it a lazy day at home?
Either way I hope you enjoyed yourselves.

I apologize for missing my last scheduled post. My mum returned unexpectedly from a long trip so I had to attend to her and when I finally found some time, my internet provider decided to take a leave.

Lately I’ve been thinking about music. Specifically the music of Lana Del Rey and how some of her songs are basically the theme songs of some of the relationships I had in my misguided youth.

Music gives flavour to my days and the flavour of Blue Jeans is as bittersweet as the relationship I had with – let’s call him – T.

I have something of an obsessive personality and I became obsessed with T from the moment he slapped my thigh while trying to kill a mosquito during fellowship.

Yes, you guessed it, he used to wear blue jeans and white shirts and he made my eyes burn with the energy he packed into his 5’7″ frame. T was always pontificating on some thing or the other and I would literally sit at his feet, totally enraptured.

It didn’t matter to me that he had a girlfriend, we were meant to be. I pushed and pushed until I settled for much less than I deserved and needed but yay! we were finally together, though not an item. There was the pesky detail of the girlfriend he never left.

Eventually, T moved to another state and I scraped together what was left of my self-respect and systematically drifted away from him. It helped that I realized he only ever called me when he’d been drinking.

After a long while, R came along. I finally got to have my Off To The Races romance.

My old man was not a bad man but he was a dark man and we loved every inch of our tar black souls.

Lol.
Much melodrama.
Many exaggeration.

First time we met, he called me his “new favourite toy”. I, of course, did not see this for the red flag that it was because the attention was so flattering, especially from someone I’d been admiring from a distance.

R is a fantastic writer and I find artistic types most fascinating. We had a few dates and eventually, where I had failed with T, I succeeded with R.

He left his girlfriend for me!
Hip hip hurrah!

We proceeded to have six months of one of the most intense relationships known to man. My obsessive side came out in full force. I could not bear to be apart from him. I was in school but, dear bunnies, what are classes in the face of love?

Then disaster struck and I had my first major manic episode. That was the beginning of the end for us. He admired the way I rolled like a rolling stone but this was an avalanche.

I’m not saying he didn’t do right by me because he did. In actuality, I broke up with him in the middle of my episode yet he looked for me when I went missing.

I simply had acquired a whole new dimension to my life that I had to learn to accommodate but he couldn’t afford to do the same. After several months of flogging the dying and then dead horse of our relationship, he took me out to see AntMan and broke up with me finally afterwards.

I cried for a week.
But I had an exam in two weeks and couldn’t afford to mess up so I went out that weekend (on my own for the first time in too long) and started the process of belonging to myself once more.

The search for affection has been my affliction but I am learning to take such affection as may be offered and provide the rest for myself, not go looking for it in all the wrong places.

Wherever T is, I wish him well. R and I are friends, though we don’t see each other often. I, of course, have my eye set on another (seemingly) unavailable man but it’s not a do-or-die thing.

No more obsessions for me.
I take my meds and don’t listen to Lana Del Rey quite so much.

Please feel free to leave a comment and share, share, share!
Until next time.
Peace and Cinnamon Swirls.

Socialism

Aloha bunnies!
How has your week been so far?
Hope work/school/home hasn’t been too stressful?

Today I’m going to put up a picture of one of the pieces of beading I’ve worked on and also talk about how I socialize (or mostly don’t).

I spent the month of July doing nothing but reading novels, sleeping and eating baked goods. Yes, I gained 2 inches at the waist and eventually got sick of reading (Never thought I’d see such a day).
But that isn’t what’s important.
What’s important is that I had little to no human interaction for an entire month. I wouldn’t even talk to my mum when she got home from work.

She eventually got fed up with this and *coughs* persuaded me to start working somewhere, hence the beading training. This *clears throat* nudge may have been just what was needed to make me realize that not only was I making like an island, I had built a perimeter and wrapped barbed wire round its top.

I can’t say that this is my natural state though it is one I revert to much too often. This is because when I do go out I’m that girl who makes people put down their phones and actually talk. I simply cannot abide people tapping away on their phones to persons unknown while neglecting those present. At least say “Hi”, then you may retweet that oh-so-important post.

Now I go mainly to church, it’s the only place my curfew gets extended for. I went to a party on Saturday but couldn’t stay for long though I was the first guest to arrive (No African Time 😎). I almost compulsively want to remain out and keep moving about when I go places that I have to clamp down really hard on the impulse. As Iya Ogedengbe says, “Moderation in all things.” A wallet that’s also on a diet with me helps with that.

I’m sure it’s obvious I really had no idea what to talk about but I promised myself that I’d put up a post every other day and by Jove, I will!

Leave a comment.
Or don’t.
But really do 😊😁.
Until next time,
Peace and Wirework Crowns.